And now I'm all alone
by Gymfan
Summary: A fan fiction on Susan after the ending of the Last Battle. This is my idea of what I think happened to her.And the story has many flaws, please be nice lol. I'm not the worlds best writer and I don't pretend to be.


Note: This is my first fan fic, and as I am not the best writer, there are flaws. Please be nice.

"In a small room of a brick apartment, located in a bustling section of downtown New York, sat a young woman with her face in her hands, as if to conceal some sort of very private but great grief.

Tears ran unchecked down her face and through her fingers, where they fell onto a much crumpled and tearstained piece of paper, which read:

"Dear Miss Pevensie;

We are sorry to inform you that your brothers Edmund and Peter Pevensie, and your sister Lucy Pevensie was killed in a railroad accident. Your parents and two friends of yours, Eustace Scrub, Jill Pole and the Professor Kirk were also killed in the accident. Our sympathies are with you in this great time of sorrow.

Yours respectively,  
"

Presently she removed her hands from her eyes to reveal a face that might have been called remarkably pretty if it had not been full of sadness and loss.

"I can't believe they're all gone." Susan whispered to herself. "I just received a letter from Lucy a few days ago!"

Leaning back on the headboard of the bed on which she sat, Susan let her mind drift to the many cherished memories she had of happy times with her brothers and sister.

She remembered the time they had been evacuated to the country during the war, and the gigantic home they had lived in with the kind old Professor and his cranky housekeeper.

There were many, many other happy events and sweet memories that Susan recalled, but try as she might to forget, her thoughts kept returning to the old Wardrobe, and the world which they had fancied to lie beyond it.

She gave a little laugh.

"What silly little games we used to imagine up."

"But it wasn't a game, Susan", a little voice seemed to tell her.

"It really was real."

When Susan had first become old enough to do all the grown up things that she had looked forward to for so long, she jumped headlong into the delightful life called society. She loved the dazzling parties; the fun conversation and the interesting people. It was all so extremely lovely!

As she became more and more engrossed in parties and what was considered 'high life', her conscious would prick her, and remind her that maybe, this wasn't the life that is very productive or useful.

But she was having too much fun to want to give it up, so in the process of participating whole heatedly in all sorts of not bad, but very foolish and frivolous things, she succeeded in blotting out all the memories of Narnia and her experiences there. She simply did not want to be bothered with anything that might hinder her from enjoying herself to the fullest. 

Before, when Lucy and the boys had tried to get her to talk about Narnia, and the wonderful adventures they had had, she would never give it serious thought, and laugh it off.

But now, with this great sorrow forcing her to sit and actually think for the first time in years, the old memories came flooding back, and she realized that it HAD happened. And the first thought that flashed through her mind was,

"Oh, what have I done…"

With this faint cry of remorse and sorrow, she put her head down and wept. Not only had she lost her entire family and some of her dearest friends, but she had forgotten Narnia, and her very very dear friend Aslan himself. What a silly, stupid fool she had been!

What a difference there was in the lives of her brothers and sister, and her own. They hadn't forgotten Narnia and the lessons it had taught them, while Susan had.

Peter had been a friend of every man, woman and child, and always had stood up for what he believed was right, whether it was the popular opinion or not. He was a fine, respectable man, whom many people mourned deeply.

Edmund had been a protector of the helpless and poor, and was ever waging war against the rich businessmen who would try to unfairly squeeze money out of people who knew no better. And as for Lucy? She had been sunshine of happiness, spreading cheer and goodwill wherever she went. She was as kind and benevolent as a person could be, and was a particular friend of the poor.

And then there was Eustace, and Jill, and the Professor, and Susan's parents; all good people, who had all lived good lives, and were greatly mourned.

But as for Susan? What had she accomplished, or what was she doing that might warrant her the same deep loss if she was to die suddenly, as so many loved ones around her had?

Susan looked around her cluttered and unfriendly room, trying to decern what several years of frivolous life might have given her.

She had no money to speak of; it had all been wasted on extravagant and useless trifles and a very expensive passage to America, made for no other reason then to enjoy the fine living there.

Her health was poor due to late nights and unwholesome food, and while she was very popular among the people in her 'set', they were not true friends.

Her whole room was also cluttered with remnants of one wild flirtation to the next, with all sorts of bits from flower bouquets laid her and there, and all over the floor and chairs were magazines filled with the latest fashions.

Susan had received more "Ode to Beauty" sonnets from desperate lovers then one could count, yet as she sat there and took note of all these things which had been so important to her before, she realized what empty, useless years she had spent. She had absolutely nothing of worth to show for several years of gaiety and frivolity.

"What if I hadn't stopped believing in Narnia," Susan mused. "I could have been on that train with them, and then I would also be in…"

Here she stopped as a slight shudder of regret and sadness passed through her as she finished,

"…In Narnia or Aslan's Land."

For while she had never been told exactly that this was where they had gone, she just knew. Somethings you just know, without being told.

"To think of all that I missed". She said, still regretting all the lost years and chances. "I'm never, EVER going to make that mistake again."

She had forgotten Aslan, but Aslan had not forgotten her, and loved her and welcomed her back with the joy of a father over a prodigal son.

Susan had a feeling that it was too late to ever return to Narnia, but she purposed in her own quiet way to never again forget Aslan, so that someday, she might go to his land where all her family were.

Change is not instantaneous, and Susan did not immediately become an angelic saint who forsook everything that was not entirely righteous and good. Indeed, in the beginning, she did not try to change at all.

But as the weeks went by, she gradually grew more and more dissatisfied with parties and society, and yearned for something more established; something with more potential.

It was not very easy to say good bye to a life that had been her whole world for so long. People whom Susan thought would support her despised her, and with all her loved ones gone, she found it difficult to stick to her decision. But she remembered the very hard lesson that she had learned, and persevered.

Susan finished her education, and took the job of a teacher in a small town of New York, and there she met a man who also knew Aslan by the name that we know him by in our world. They fell in love, and were married.

Susan lived a happy, useful life, always remembering, never forgetting. She conducted herself as a true Queen of Narnia would, and people who walked past her in the street would comment among themselves;

"She could be very well dressed in rags, yet she is the most beautiful and regal woman I have ever seen."

And often, in the evening times, Susan would gather her own children around her, and tell them a story of an old Professor, a Wardrobe, and a beautiful, mystical land called Narnia."

Hope you enjoyed that, even though it isn't very good. :)


End file.
